Table for Two
by Ashj
Summary: Volechek is bored. Very bored. Because royal stuff is boring stuff, you know? SO he devises a plot. A nasty plot. A terrible plot. A plot that is so evil that all other evil plots shrivel up in fear. He decides to make have a cage battle to the death... WITH A WOMAN. ... Well it failed, now they're stuck there. What do? EoleoxOC Rated T for possible language. Accepting Prompts.


Volechek was bored. Insanely bored. So bored he just wanted to do one thing that would amuse him for just a minute. Because typical Ruler stuff was boring. Friggin' paperwork. GUH. But what to do? Hmmmmmmmm.

And as he sat there, stroking his facial hair, a brilliant idea dawned upon him.

"Guards!" He bellowed, and almost at once they filed into the big fat bedroom of his imperial majesty. (not really) "I want you to go out and find me a female criminal."

They stared derpishly at him before what he said soaking into their strangely constructed guard brains. And then they gave each other very puzzled looks.

"Sir," one stepped forward, "A female criminal?"

"Yes, lieutenant numskull, that is exactly what I said. A woman criminal. Don't ask any questions. JUST BRING ONE TO ME. Oh! And make it an adept."

Lieutenant Numskull and the others stared at him like he was a sack of crazy potatoes, and he stared back, and they stared back, and he stared back, and they stared back, and he stared back, and they star-

"JUST GO ALREADY!"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Big brother."

"What is it Sveta? Can't you see I'm busy?" Volechek said dismissively to his sister as he lounged on his lazy-boy coach whilst surfing through the channels of his totes radical tube.

"I just wanted to let you know, I'm going to go meddle, and possibly become friends with the enemy. I hope that's okay." She explained sheepishly.

"Yeah, sure. That's fine."

It was apparent he was totally not listening, as he managed to find a decent show.

"Reality television is terrible. Look at the way these people act. That man is peeing on a tree, IN PUBLIC. Absurd." He muttered bitterly.

"Brother, that's Animal Planet." She corrected.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" He snapped.

.-.-.-.-.-

"My lord, we have caught the prisoner you requested. It took 50 men, but we did it."

"Excellent job Lieutenant Numskull. You have made me so proud." The ruler wiped away a non-existent tear from his eye and gave the man (man?) and pat on his shoulder. The sudden weight caused him to fall to the floor.

"Bring her in!"

There was a loud shriek as the doors to the audience chamber burst open. 15 men dragged in a thrashing sack. Well it was really just two people pulling it, the other 13 were just there to make sure she didn't get away… or out…. whichever. They didn't really care anymore.

And then there was another shriek.

"Oh for the love of god. Stop! Stop for a minute!" He ordered. Rolling his eyes. They all stopped immediately, still a long ways away from the throne. Reaching behind his throne, the almighty Volechek grabbed a broom and raising it up majestically, he rapped it hard against the ceiling.

"BE QUIET YOU CURSED BANSHEE. I'M TRYING TO ENTERTAIN MYSELF!"

And then there was silence.

"Finally." The great ruler groaned. And with a wave of his han-

And ghastly head popped down from the ceiling and waggled its ugly tough at it.

"QUIET I SAID!" and with that he threw a handful of salt at the face. With a screech it exploded into a shower of pink glittering sparkles. "And Sveta told me I wouldn't learn anything by watching Supernatural. Well that that Sveta!"

"So are you guys going to keep dragging me or can I go now?" The person in the sack asked, finally bored of not flailing.

"Silence! I am the one who gives the orders around here!"

There was a small thus as the sack occupant quickly put their head back down on the ground.

"… Excellent. Continue the dragging."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

In a big pirate kingdom born and raised,  
On the sea where he spent most of his days,  
Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool,  
And raiding some kingdoms outside of the school,  
When in a couple of day, he was up to no good,  
Started making trouble in the neighbourhood,  
He got in one little fight and Volechek got scared,  
And said "You're being thrown into a cage suspended in the air.

And thus was the woeful tale of Eoleo. Sexy, mysterious prince of Champa. (Or so he'd like to think. He's really just a big nerd.)

And now he was bored.

Well let's see, so far his schedule was:

A) Wake up in the morning, totally not feeling like P. Diddy.

B) Try to pry the bars open.

C) Get pelted by rotten fruit that the city dwellers threw at him.

D) Burn in the sun.

E) Try to pry the bars open again.

F) Eat the awful food they gave him for lunch, what was he? A prisoner or a trash can?

G) Try to burn the bars.

H) Sit there and contemplate a true reason for man's small existence in the vast world he lived in.

I) Get pelted by rotten fruit again, plus some of the leftovers from people's dinner.

J) Try to pry the bars open.

K) Give up and go to sleep.

It was like his own personal party, 24/7.

"You there! Criminal!"

Startled, Eoleo jumped up on instinct, thus smacking his head right into the bars.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUU UU- DUDE! You really have to warn someone when you're sneaking up on them man. It's called BEING POLITE."

But Volechek didn't care. He was too busy standing there, majestically. With his hands on his hips and his cape waving dramatically in the wind… which if you looked closely enough, it was just a large fan that was very well hidden behind him.

"Hahahhahaha! You cannot tell me what to do! For you are my prisoner and I am the king of this fine…" He glanced around, as if unsure whether or not he lived in a castle or a cardboard box, "ESTABLISHMENT."

"It's not a café dude."

"Silence! Do not speak unless you are given the signal to speak!"

And Eoleo was silent… but still judging him. Just like he always was.

"Good. You should thank me my dear boy, for I have brought you a companion!" And then the great King Volechek struck a pose reminiscent of those girls from the Price is Right show as his hands waved over an empty space.

This went on for about a minute before the Prancing Prince raised a finger. "There's no one there." He deadpanned.

"Are you blind? Of course there is." He gestured again before finally looking himself. "Erm… hold on a second."

And the majestic beast man ducked back inside.

"WHERE IS SHE? THAT WAS YOUR CUE." Eoleo heard a very loud whisper, okay it wasn't really a whisper. Volechek never did master the art of being discreet.

"Oh… oh! Sorry your highness." Lieutenant Numskull realized and apologized. He gestured for the other 14 men in the hallway to drag forth the prisoner, now sack free.

"Nooooooooo!" She shrieked, clawing at the ground. "I don't wanna! Floor! FLOOR HELP ME! You've always been there for me buddy, since I was born. You never fail me. Help me floor. Help meeee."

Alas, the floor did not help at all, and she was thrown into the cage. She landed butt up, which Prince Prissy Pants couldn't help but stare at… and drool at.

"Well, uh, hi there."

"Hey~"

Well gosh dangit, they stuck her in a cage with a sexually deprived man. FFFFFFFFFFFFF-

"Now," Exclaimed Volechek, reminding them that he was still there. "Fight to the death."

"Excuse me?" "What?" They asked at the same time, raising their eyebrows.

"I am bored, human scum. Therefore I demand that you entertain me."

"No way man."

"Are you stupid?"

"I demand it be so!" He stressed, stomping his foot in a childlike manner.

"How about nooooooooooo?"

"B-b-bu-but."

"NO."

"FINE." The ruler pouted and sulked… majestically, and with a dramatic swirl of his cape, turned and stomped back into the castle… majestically.

"Hey wait! Can I go now?" The lady asked.

"Me too?" Eoleo asked hopefully.

"Sorry guys, but the Emperor said you both had to stay here." Lieutenant Numskull interjected, before leaving as well.

And thus the door closed… leaving them alone… with each other… I mean they could do anything. ANYTHING.

…

LIKE SEX

…

"Now what?" The lady prisoner asked, oblivious to the kinky-ness of the situation.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

**Wow this is terrible… okay maybe it's not THAT terrible… but still…**

**I've written better.**

**I all honesty, I just wrote this because I felt Eoleo need some love guys. It's like Camelot turned him into a sexy beast for nothing. Have you seen the Eoleo section? It's practically EMPTYYYYYYYYYYY. *sniffles***

**Also this was just a small project that I'm doing while I write a different Golden Sun fic. Same lady OC, but more serious… but only a little… like plot line serious… yeah. *shifty eyes* **

**As of now I am open to prompt suggestions for their happy cage adventures… slash discussions. Suggest anything… except lemons. I have no skill with romance. NONE.**

**READ THE DISCLAIMER:**

**Volechek the Majestic, Sveta the Annoying, and Eoleo the Prissy Prince of Champa all belong to Camelot. Adept lady (her name will be Naomi by the way. Ignore that I never introduced her. We're just gunna call her that from now on okay? I SAID IGNORE IT) and Lieutenant Numskull belong to me.**

**Have fun with life =_=**


End file.
